70

 “I want to apologise to you.”

Shen Dai was stunned. Never would he have guessed that the first words out of Qu Moyu’s mouth would be an apology. All his defences were already up, bracing himself for whatever hurtful things Qu Moyu might say or do.

“Back in Lancheng, I said and did some things that were a little too extreme.” Qu Moyu continued, ”That was never my intention. At that moment, I let my anger get the better of me.”

Qu Moyu was looking at him with a gaze which could even be called sincere.

Shen Dai thought for a moment, then nodded his head. He wasn’t going to let down his guard. Not for one apology. What Qu Moyu had done couldn’t be brushed aside with just an “I’m sorry.” Though, he was still going to do his best not to provoke him.

“I eventually went to check on it. It turns out Bai Xiangwan normally lives in the company dormitory. Even though the place you are staying in belongs to him, there weren’t any of his personal items around. I should’ve noticed that earlier….”

Qu Moyu deeply regretted how foolish he had been back then. Only…the moment he caught another alpha’s scent in Shen Dai’s apartment, all the training he had undergone to keep his emotions in check went out the window. He’d completely lost it.

Shen Dai breathed a sigh of relief. At least Qu Moyu would finally stop causing trouble for Bai Xiangwan. He had already done more than enough for him and didn’t deserve to be dragged down on account of him.

“As for Qiuqiu using his substitute pheromones - that needs to be gradually corrected. Don’t worry, I’ve already consulted with a doctor. His senses are still developing, so it won’t be difficult.”

Safe to say, an alpha who helped an omega like that was unlikely to have pure intentions. Besides, how could he bear the thought of his son treating another alpha as his father?

Shen Dai furrowed his brows slightly. “There’s no need to correct anything. The doctor said that toddlers naturally outgrow their dependence on pheromones at the age of two to three years old.”

”He’s only three months old. Do you mean to continue using his pheromones? I’m his father, only my pheromones would be best for him.”

“Your pheromones only frighten him and make him cry non-stop.”

A slight change flickered across Qu Moyu’s face. “It was my mistake scaring him the last time. Nevertheless, we are related by blood. Even if my pheromones weren’t involved during the pregnancy, as long as we have some contact, he will definitely remember.”

“There’s no need for that,” replied Shen Dai in a low voice.

“….What do you mean ‘there’s no need for that’？”

Shen Dai was looking at him calmly. “Qiuqiu is already used to Bai-Shixiong’s pheromones. It’s fine to keep using them. It isn’t necessary to change anything and add to his anxieties. This child is mine alone. His surname is Shen. There is no need for you to be in contact with him.”

“A-Dai, don’t you see what I’m trying to say?” said Qu Moyu gravely, looking directly into his eyes. “I miss you so much. I just want you to come back to me with our child. I’ll definitely give you both the best life possible. Qiuqiu should also have his real Alpha father by his side.”

Shen Dai felt a suffocating heaviness in his chest. Back then, Qu Moyu had been so desperate to get rid of the inconvenience that was him and Qiuqiu. What kind of stunt was he trying to pull now?

Whatever his intentions were, they couldn’t possibly be about feelings. This person didn’t have any feelings.

He remained silent for a long while, then asked, “President Qu, what is it that you’re really trying to do?”

Qu Moyu took a deep breath. All of a sudden, he grabbed Shen Dai’s hand, holding it firmly so he couldn’t pull back: “I like you.”

Shen Dai was stunned. A complex mix of emotions welled up inside him, followed by a sharp pang of anguish. He had fantasised countless times about hearing this person say that he liked him. And indeed now he had - twice. The first time, Qu Moyu had dismissed the value of the emotion altogether. The second time was like a futile attempt by Qu Moyu to use a single flower to decorate the vast wilderness in his heart. To the point that the word ‘like’ coming from this person’s mouth seemed almost profane. A rising fury simmered within him, but he suppressed it and replied, “You have no idea what it means to like someone.”

This icy gaze from Shen Dai made Qu Moyu feel absolutely wretched. “I’ve never treated anyone the way I’ve treated you. And I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I do you. There is no single way to define what it means ‘to like’ someone. If empty words are enough to qualify, then surely my willingness to provide for you for a lifetime should count as well?”

Shen Dai’s chest rose and fell sharply. He didn’t think he would have the chance to say these words. Not in this lifetime. Besides, what need was there to do so? What point was there in denouncing an executioner for one’s wounds? And yet this executioner seemed intent on laying his wounds bare.

He forced the words out from between his teeth: “Well, I won’t presume to define it for others, but you definitely have no right to use that word. I tried to explain to you time and again that I didn’t deceive you. You didn’t believe me - or even care to believe me. You forced me to have the mark removed and get an abortion. You used pheromone suppression on me when I was carrying Qiuqiu -”

“A-Dai!” said Qu Moyu, cutting him off in a loud voice.

His expression was gloomy, his eyes flickering with guilt. “….I’m sorry. I should never have treated you the way I did.”

The more he yearned for Shen Dai, the more he didn’t dare recall the events of the year ago or to confront the pain he had caused him.

Ever since he was a child, whenever he weighed the benefits and risks of a thing, he almost never erred in his strategic decisions. The various choices he made at the time had been determined by the circumstances of the moment. Deep down, he had never stopped to consider if a decision was right or wrong; his only consideration had been himself.

At the time, he had thought of Shen Dai as nothing more than an easily replaceable lover, even if he was the one he cared about the most. Out of the question that he should let a bit of personal sentiment interfere with his profits.

He had never imagined that the after-effects of the mark would be this severe, or that he would find himself so utterly unable to let go of Shen Dai, no matter what he did. And now this apology and attempt at reconciliation was him setting aside his pride, making the biggest compromise he had ever made in this lifetime.

Shen Dai’s hand clenched into a fist, twitching slightly with every breath he took.

“In the end I met with Qu Chengchen,” said Qu Moyu, his voice strained. “He admitted it himself -he was the one who plotted against me during my rut. I know I wronged you. You and Qiuqiu are blameless. Let me take responsibility for both of you, alright?”

Before, Shen Dai had wanted so much to be vindicated. And now that it had fallen so easily into his lap, he found that he shared the exact same sentiments as the Qu Moyu back then who couldn’t be bothered to listen to his explanations: It didn’t matter. It wasn’t important.

Indeed, it was no longer important.

He no longer needed Qu Moyu’s approval. Because he no longer needed Qu Moyu.

He fixed his gaze on Qu Moyu, with eyes so dimmed it was as if they were covered by a layer of grey mist. “If you had known since the beginning, would the outcome have been any different?”

Qu Moyu was left speechless. Shen Dai took advantage of his momentary daze to pull his hand that was being gripped painfully back.

“I’m still an inferior Omega who doesn’t deserve your mark. With a bad background and low-grade pheromones, incapable of giving birth to an S-class heir.“

Shen Dai seemed to be calmly tearing open a wound that had never truly healed.

“In the end, you would still have married and had children with someone compatible with you. You would still have divorced me, and had me remove the mark and abort the child. Am I right?”

Qu Moyu looked down at his now-empty palm; the warmth that had belonged to Shen Dai still lingered there. But Shen Dai was no longer willing to let him touch him.

He opened his mouth, wanting to justify himself. He could lie to anyone without batting an eyelid, but faced with Shen Dai’s gaze, one that seemed to see through everything, he found himself unable to speak. What Shen Dai said wasn’t wrong. Under that unrelenting stare, he felt so ashamed he wished he could disappear.

Qu Moyu lowered his head, slowly regulating his breathing, suppressing the frustration of being rejected repeatedly and the shameful anger of having had his feelings exposed. He told himself he could not afford to act on impulse again. He had to use his head, find a way to resolve this, and get what he wanted.

When he looked up again, his eyes had regained their composure. In a gentle tone, he explained, “A-dai, you and I are very different people, our backgrounds, experiences, education, even our way of looking at things are not the same. But I like you, and you like me. We have a child together, so for us to continue, we would have to find a way for us to coexist, don’t you think so?”

Shen Dai looked at Qu Moyu coldly. He already guessed what Qu Moyu was going to say.

“My background dictates that my marriage cannot be the result of love, only a consolidation of interests and resources. My fiancée is also very clear about this. Through marriage, he can give me the things that I truly need.”

Qu Moyu continued, looking intently at him. “You and I don’t need marriage or a mark between us, but I promise I will give you and Qiuqiu a future far beyond your dreams. So why do you cling so hard to a title?”

This time, Shen Dai stared at Qu Moyu for a good long while. It must have been a solid ten seconds. As if he needed to confirm to himself that they could occupy the same time and space, and yet be worlds apart. Although his heart ached as if it had been pierced through, he still laughed. “President Qu. You are right. Different people have different ways of living. You should, by all means, go after whatever you want. After all, who would dare stop you? And I will go after the things I want as well.”

“Then, what exactly do you want?” Qu Moyu could sense his patience quickly wearing thin.

“I don’t want your money, or the title of being your wife,” said Shen Dai seriously. “I don’t want to see you, I don’t want you to give me anything. I don’t want you.” He spoke slowly, as if afraid Qu Moyu might miss a word and fail to grasp just how determined he was.

Qu Moyu’s face suddenly turned a ghastly white. All his life, he had always been the centre of the universe. Never had he been repeatedly rejected or scorned like this before. Setting aside his pride that hung above the high heavens, and lowering his head to beg for reconciliation with a mere omega, the greatest compromise of his entire life, had only earned him such contempt!

He glared at Shen Dai and hissed between clenched teeth, “Why are you being so stubborn? Why do you never know what’s good for you? You can sell yourself for ten million to a complete stranger, but now sentiment matters above all else? How do you expect me to believe this isn’t just you trying to see how much you can get?”

By now, it was as if Shen Dai had already grown numb to these poison-soaked words. He was not in the least surprised at how Qu Moyu had turned hostile in an instant, knowing all too well the arrogance of a top alpha. Faking humility was nothing more than a negotiating tactic. For him still to believe it, it would only mean that he hadn’t learned his lesson well enough.

He rose to his feet. “President Qu, if you truly feel even the slightest guilt, the slightest pity toward Qiuqiu and me, then please don’t trouble us again.”

Qu Moyu’s vicious eyes followed Shen Dai’s back until he entered the room and shut the door in his face.